


WHERE IS MY TWINK

by Miss_cellaneous



Category: Idk I made it up
Genre: Crack, Gen, I swear I've only had three cups of coffee, Intentionally Bad Spelling & Grammar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-29 20:00:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21415840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_cellaneous/pseuds/Miss_cellaneous
Summary: Two very different gentlemen set off in search of their respective twinks, it's very random. Just confuse yourself and have a laugh :)
Relationships: You'll see - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	WHERE IS MY TWINK

“PARDON ME coming through excuse me MOVE”  
An aggressive guy with fire on his head jostled a bored crowd. The train screamed at him and he flipped it off, grumpily shoving his ticket into a bin. He did not like trains as it so happened. The dude stomped on his sunglasses and yodelled. The train station peeps looked spooked and the fella remembered he was invisible. Clearing his throat he blushed and put his sunnies on so he could turn visible again and this lady saw him and just shrieked “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!” And the altitudinous lad whipped around and he accidentally set the ceiling on fire. “Pardon me but have you seen my twink.” The elevated fella hummed as the train blew up because I dunno the fire reached the gas tank or something. The rando lady kinda dropped to her knees and went “IT TALKS” and mister lofty looked down to see that he actually had not put his sunglasses on. Huh. Then he realised.

“Oh no you were talking about me well let me tell you something you are going to die today” he huffed flouncing off because he was better than anyone there who were all running around screaming because they were not as awesome as the guy? But the guy had to run back and get his sunglasses because it was winter outside so he needed to keep cool. Mister Giraffe went outside a second time and the rando lady tried to follow him but then she accidentally jumped onto the train tracks and then she was like ‘phew no more fire’ but then she got run over so the awesome guy was right. But then in like scotland or something the train stopped and then started again because apparently trains do that? And the rando lady fell off the bottom because surprise she was still alive yay. Her peaceful celebration was interrupted by some pissface.

“OY OY OY! WHERE THE BOINKIN BOOMERANGS IS MY TWINK!”  
Screeched an extremely short bugger who happened to be an aussie. Swearing the lady pulled herself off of the tracks so the awesome guy was wrong - she didn’t die. Well she wasn’t complaining. “MUUUUUUM!!!! DID YOU NOT HEAR ME!!!!” ...ok maybe she was complaining a little bit. A snotty face cannonballed into her head as the child whined but he wasn’t actually a child he was just really short and apparently he lost his twink. And then she died for real because that not-kid had a hard head. So the awesome guy was right yeeeaah! “Mum are you dead.” the aussie fella cried. “Ok I’ll take that as a yes” he screamed and then went off because he needed his twink. Meanwhile the australian gremlin’s brother was like oh no because he actually was sad that his mum died but she was kind of a jerk so the brother who was called malcolm shrugged and went to find his brother. He would just have to follow the sound of screaming and ice cream. 

Easy cheesy but then he was knocked over by this humongous guy whos hair was red but it was hard to tell because it was also on fire. The flaming guy looked down at malcolm and malcolm thought maybe he was angry? But he couldn’t tell because anorexic godzilla was wearing these super cool shades it made malcolm shiver in his tank top. Malcolm was also shivering because it was snowing and the zendaya of all carrots look less intimidating because now his hair was not on fire any more. “Have you seen my twink.” Beanstalk minus a flaming giant asked in a curious scottish voice because they were in scotland and also because he looked like david tennant. But nobody was actually surprised because he was scarily tall like the twin towers. And malcolm was a scozzie so he was like what is this famous national monument saying but said national monument was looking more and more angry so malcolm pointed in the direction past his mum who was dead and not-david tennant said “ok thank you” and wandered over pausing only to point at malcolms mum and croon “I TOLD YOU SO” before going away. Malcolm shrugged and hovered off to find his vertically challenged young male sibling.

Meanwhile ginger jared padalecki was walking along with a spring in his step because the lady who thought he was ugly was now dead, like he predicted. But he was still missing his twink. So he was angry and he made a nearby bagpipe store explode. Because those existed in scotland until the extremely tall guy whose identity was yet to be revealed yeeted them all into extinction. Now crying from under his awesome sunnies gigantor punched the pavement and accidentally fell into hell. “Oh crap not again”  
Then bigbird heard a familiar voice behind him saying “Hello boy” in a disgusting english accent so our favourite beanpole threw up and said “piss off crowley” so crowely was sad and he went away. Our lovely toll bean looked up to the hole he had fallen through and then remembered he was elongated so he just reached up and pulled himself out. His arms may look like sticks but he actually was kinda strong or something. So he crawled out of hell and was grumpy because he broke a nail and he STILL hadn’t found his twink. His banana feet slapped forlornly along the sidewalk because he would fail college without his twink. Also he needed his degree in pyrotechnics so he could become a professional arsonist. Then our dearest stretchy boi galloped off in the direction of whales.

A squashed man tried to climb onto a whale but his legs were too short. Malcolm came along “ah hello my brother who is having trouble. Care if I give you a leg up.” malcolm screeched. His brother was now holding onto the whale’s eyelash but his feet were flailing a lot off the ground. Malcolm pushed his little (heheh) brother up until the babyman straddled the whale’s slippery rubber spine. “Thank you malcolm.” the pixie nasalled barely hearing his brother’s “you are welcome angus” before he dug his pointy shoes into the whale’s back and murmured as soft as a summer breeze “HEE-YAW MOVE YOU BIG UGLY BUMPKIN!!!!”  
And the whale toodled off with a screaming scotstralian on it’s back. Malcolm watched and then went to go make funeral arrangements on the same day as his wedding to avoid his mum’s funeral.

Angus rode the whale all the way through scotland and then he crossed the border to australia. He hopped off of his whale and yelled at it. “Don’t move I’ll be right back?” Before waddling into his mums house. Except she was dead now so I guess it was angus’s now. Angus was looking for his twink. He scooted around his bedroom and looked under every green piece of clothing on the floor. Why was there so much green you ask? Simple. Because angus is secretly a leprechaun. That’s why he's so short. So the leprechaun who was australian but also scottish so therefore an illegal pirate. *pirates of the caribbean plays* and angus furiously waltzed off atop his whale as he had not found his twink. So he hopped back over to scotland and patted his whale’s head sobbing with tears in his eyes, “thanks mate. Now bugger off.” watching the whale shimmy off to its homeland, angus got an idea and followed it. 

There he met a blonde lady with an outrageous accent. “Hi hello how are you can I interest you in life insurance?” Angus looked incredulously up at her. She too was short, but angus was much, much shorter. “No.” Angus screeched politely. “Okay then in that case welcome to wales, the home of the whales.” Angus nodded and toodled into the country. Did you know, the whale crooned in his head that whales are telepathic! Angus was pretty chill so he just shrugged and said “whatever” then another whale bellowed yo, those humans don’t know we can smell twinks a mile away! At that angus stopped. “Can you smell a twink now?” the baby dalek wondered to a passing whale. The whale stopped and scratched its thanos chin. Yes, quite close the whale thought thoughtfully. “Can you lead me there!!!!” Angus murmured hopefully, he may have just found his twink. Yea sure my boyfriend showed some other fella the place too so ya know the whale shrugged and angus moonwalked after it.

Meanwhile a few streets over a rock-star-lookin fella tall as barney the dinosaur was making his way downtown, walking slow because he has to step over the horses and whales milling around. A whale had kindly offered to be his sniffer dog, because, being smart, ron weasley but cool already knew about the glorious twink-related smell power of whales so here he was in search of his twink. Over here the whale crowed and they stopped outside of- “What are we doing here.” Yelped David Byrne with red hair. This is not my house the whale thought but then pippi longstockings only a giraffe said bluntly “THIS IS MY HOUSE!” He frowned at the whale who shrugged and remarked well this is where the smell is strongest. Now thoroughly confused, spanky lanky tippy toed into his house hearing the whale moan behind him bye imma go eat a borger. Shrugging our favourite nutella fella left the whale and wandered into his house. He heard a thump and followed the sound, the thumping grew louder and more consistent the closer he got to his bedroom. Then he realised it was just his heart. Because he was having a bad day and was just really on edge, the son of Voldemort and a tall carrot cried tears of frustration and threw open his bedroom door. There, right in front of him, was...

Just outside of the house, Angus was reasoning with a whale. This is the place, I tell ya! “Nah mate, this is somebody’s honkin’ house ay?” the whale bonked angus on the head before seeing another glitter-covered whale and mooing in delight. BAAAAAAABEEEEEEE the whale mooed softly ditching angus. So angus plodded angrily into the house, stopping to look out the window at the happy macarena-ing whales. It reminded him of the fact that he needed his twink, a) because he liked said twink and b) because his twink would give him the support he needed to hand in his job application to wet’n’wild wombats. He then heard a frustrated “DAMMIT” from down the hall and rushed in to make sure that nobody had died or anything, he had enough blood on his face. Somewhere in the background queen the band was rocking by singing we will we will rock you blah blah blah BLOOD ON YOUR FACE - which angus took personally so he guiltily kangaroo-hopped towards the voice. He found some enraged guy jumping up and down on a evil-looking teddy bear. 

A freakin’ teddy bear. Arnold the terminator but on a diet was super pissed, but then he heard a rumbling. Looking up cautiously he saw his closet door sliding open, and out stepped a man almost as tall as him with white-blonde hair a confused face and glitter and twink all over his hands. “C-Cedric?” The man asked and before Cedric (elastigirl) could reply he was bowled over by this little golem-looking thing. “My twink.” the tiny man screamed. Offended, Cedric looked down at the peanut. “THAT’S MY TWINK” Cedric observed, pissed that this hobbit had dared to claim his twink. Snorting like a pro wrestler, the australian mario waddled up to the now sweating glittery guy and snatched the twink from his hands. Cradling the tiny bottle of white-out, the eighth dwarf clambered out the window and waddled back in the direction of Australia. Thoroughly baffled, Cedric turned to the now white-out-less man with a question in his eyes. But he was still wearing his epic sunnies so he threw them outside after the bumpkin and turned to the other man, humming “Alex, where have you been? I was looking for you.” 

Alex sheepishly shook the glitter off himself before explaining, “I wanted to surprise you but I was all the way in france so I rode a whale here… I got glitter on me so I thought I’d try to cover the glitter I left in your closet with some twink I found.” Shaking his long head, Cedric offered out his arms and softly said “C’MERE BABE” and so Alex came out of Cedric’s closet and hugged him and now glitter was frickin’ everywhere but it was ay-okay because Cedric AKA our favourite big boy had found his twink and would now be able to go to college and become a licensed arsonist. He was gonna torch so many places, starting with hell. Until then he just smirked triumphantly and wrapped his flippery arms around his dumbass but supportive twink. Come to think of it, the degree could wait. Ceddy teddy was taking Alex on a double date with Whale and Whale’s boyfriend and they would karaoke and macarena and there would be molkshakes and glitter for days. Then he could sneakily burn the molkshake place down because they have some no flaming objects policy or something. Lighting his hair back on fire and wrapping an arm around his twinky Alex, Cedric bopped outside, happi.

Rushing back to oz without a whale (because he didn’t want any more glitter on his crotch), angus whipped out the twink some rando had stolen from him and, relieved, rushed all the way back to australia. You killed me you leetle sheet his ma’s ghost screeched but he rolled his eyes and said “fack off, imma get me some popcoin.” His ma stopped, frowning. ...do you mean popcorn? “Nah mate, I’ve never heard that word in my life. It’s popcoin” its fackin’ popcorn angus “Nah it’s popcoin” then because she was being annoying angus threw his white-out at the ghost of his ma and POOF she disappeared because guess what. Ghosts are allergic to twink. Crowing triumphantly the baby ghostbuster naruto-runned to his room muttering “YEET!” and throwing open the door to his bedroom, which was actually his backyard, because he was australian. He went over to his tree with a tyre on it and perched easily inside the tire before pulling out his wet’n’wild wombats application and put the twink over his mistakes, filling them in. 

Dusting the glitter off him he gave the paper to the passing camel who moosed off to deliver it. Then angus went through the cut-out of a house which was the front of his house. He didn’t actually have a house though because he was australian. From the teeny front lawn (That was almost as teeny as angus) a wireless telephone from 1542 rang and angus buhboinkered over and picked up the phone. “Sir you’re hired” snarked the voice on the other end before continuing “your shift starts in five minutes.” Angus yeeted the phone gently back onto its bed thing and spiralled off, whooping to his pet crocodile steve irwin who flashed his teeth and ate angus’s snake bazza. Not even giving a honk angus paddled across the desert until he got to this place with purple neon lights. He burst in the doors and some buff security guard wearing a ripped vest and cargo shorts rumbled “Kid you’re not allowed in here 21+ years and stuff.” And angus angrily showed his drivers license, which was dumb ‘coz he didn’t have a car but it showed his age. The bouncy bouncer apologised and waved angus through. He met his boss who was actually just malcolm in a mustache but he didn’t realise and malcolm knew how to piss his little bro off so said “I’m sorry sir you have to be over 3 feet tall to work at this crocodile feeding centre” so angus shot the guy and walked in anyway.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to write something non serious lol


End file.
